It’s been a long old month. I knew it would be hard to have Moo start school, but I kind of expected, hoped maybe, that the tears would be all mine. I had visions of her running off into school without a second glance whilst I wiped away my tears before returning home to clean the house to within an inch of it’s life in an attempt to take my mind off her.
Unfortunately that was somebody else’s fairytale, because nothing could have prepared me for this month. Moo hasn’t always been nervous, as a toddler she was a rebel. She used to smack anybody that came within an inch of her at playgroup, dashing any further dreams of me enjoying coffee and mingling with local moms. Yet somewhere over the years that feistiness has dwindled. Don’t get me wrong, at home she can be all kinds of feisty, but out and about, she’s quite the opposite. When I tell people about how Moo used to be they can hardly believe I’m talking about the same girl. I’m not saying that I want her to start smacking anyone within arms reach, but I do kind of miss that ballsiness.
I could sense anxiety in her voice whenever we talked about school as her first day grew closer, but that was expected and only natural. We talked about what she could expect; longer days, independent lunch times and learning along with the fun and excitement that “big school” can bring, and since she’d attended the school nursery she’d already met her new teacher and spent time in her new class room. But first day nerves are inevitable, that continues into adulthood doesn’t it?
On her first day she cried as we approached the school but parents were encouraged to come into the classroom to ensure their little ones settled. I’d say around 1/3 of the children cried as their parents left on the first day and we all laughed and cried together as we ventured home. Slowly but surely though those children settled, but Moo not so much. I had no idea how heart breaking it would be to leave her crying in the classroom every morning. It goes against every instinct to leave your child when they need you, but I hoped short but sweet goodbyes would make it easier on us both.
Week two saw things get a little better. It became apparent that Moo was struggling with lunch time. I think managing her own dinner and having to interact with so many new people was a little too much whilst she was settling in. What’s more, despite the countless leaflets we were given about healthy school meals, Moo had chicken nuggets, chips, ice-cream, pizza, burgers and biscuits within the space of 3 days, thus being too full to eat her healthy evening meal I had prepared, so the decision was made to switch her to packed lunches. This seemed to work, and she was no longer worried about lunch times. In actual fact, she soon stopped crying all together and was confident enough to walk into the classroom by herself which was fantastic.
And then last week something happened again. She came home crying and had said she’d been upset at lunch time. We’re still trying to work out what triggered it, but this week we’ve had a letter saying we’ll be expected to let the children walk into the classroom from the playground by themselves next week. I feel pressured into not doing what I think is right for Moo. I don’t believe the harsh way works for children, mostly because thats what the science says. Slow and steady steps have brought us a long way since Moo’s first day, and I hope the teachers will allow me to continue doing that. She has to be able to trust that both me and her teachers will be there to help her, and forcing her to do something she’s not ready for just won’t help.
Fortunately the party invites are already starting to fill up the pin board and she’s beginning to be able to read the words in her word tin with little input from us. She loves learning and is excited by her own progress. This week she gets to wear her PE kit for the first time, and ever a sucker for a new outfit, she’s super excited. She now talks about little things she enjoys about school and it’s clear she’s beginning to make good friends.
If there’s one thing I’ve been told a lot this month it’s, “she’s got to get used to it.” That’s not true. I’m not adverse to flexi-schooling or home-schooling if Moo doesn’t settle. I’m not scared of going against the mainstream way if it doesn’t suit us. That being said, Moo reminds me a lot of me as a child and I loved primary school, and I have a feeling she will too. She’s definitely getting there, and we’re definitely going to give her the best chance to settle in.
I do believe that 4 is much too young for children to spend so long away from home. The Scandinavian schooling system tops league tables year after year despite the fact that children don’t begin school until aged 7 in some Scandinavian countries. Confidence is key at such a young age I feel, and if school is knocking that then it won’t work.
Only time will tell how Moo will settle. I’m sure she’s going to be fine in mainstream schooling, but we have a plan b (and c, d and e) should she not. For now I’m noting all of the little ups and downs she experiences, ready to regurgitate them to her when she’s experiencing the same with her children. I think I can say that this has been one of my toughest parenting experiences to date. Gradually parenting gets easier and you think you’ve got the hang of it, and then something comes along and reminds you that you’re as vulnerable now as you were on that first day they were born.
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